Monday, 9 March 2015

Script Draft

This is my first draft and would like to get some opinions and advice on it, because I feel theres something missing. Please, please...

Script

2 comments:

  1. Hey Ridge,

    Okay - a couple of observations; the first is perhaps avoid the 'hand and the cigarette' etc. if you're thinking of modelling and animating them; personally, I suggest you re-stage the appearance/presence of the interrogator - perhaps as just a shadow - I say this because I don't want you spending your 'time budget' on modelling a Maya asset that, in truth, isn't truly important in conveying the life-cycle of the hookworm. Find a more economical, stylised way of setting up your scene - do more with suggestion and sound work.

    Secondly, i think you need to interrupt the hookworm's monologue with some interjections from the interrogator - so when he says I got to the stomach, the interrogator could jump in and say, 'And what did you do when you got there? Tell me! Tell me!'. This needs to feel like more of a two-hander - with more tension, and more pressure being exerted on the hookworm. It's such a lovely idea, and it just needs to feel more like an interrogation scene. I don't think you have an ending yet; if this was a terrorist-type interrogation, the goal of the interrogation would be to get some vital piece of info. I can imagine the interrogator saying 'The eggs? Are there more? Are there more of you out there?' and the hookworm, laughing can say, 'We are legion. There are always more...'

    If you think about your scene in this way - that it's a hookworm being interrogated because the authorities want to know if the hookworm is working alone or rather part of some 'sleeper cell' - then I think you can give the back and forth between them a bit more fire, and you can have a slightly more chilling 'cliff-hanger' style ending...

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  2. Yes, feeling this idea, imagination going wild. I'm holding back from rushing ahead without refining the script but uv give something good to work with, thanks

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