A couple of observations for you: in terms of your ending, it dissipates a little bit for me; there's no real twist now, or rather, the film goes on too long after we learn that the prisoner is not going to escape. I like the idea of the scenes inside the vending machine - so we're on the inside as it's moved and delivered elsewhere - this withholds the ultimate location of the vending machine. How about you continue with this, and so we stay inside as it's delivered; we hear the straps coming off etc. then we hear some coins being inserted, and then our contortionist comes spilling out of the vending machine onto the floor... of the prison guard's rest room... The End... It just feels to me as if the energy of your set-up is all about this reveal and creates the natural exit point of the audience. I think it's simpler this way too - more immediate - and funnier.
Also - one of the issues I've had with your prisoner character is I've never really understood why he looks the way he does - in that strange pose, for example - and now, looking at your influence map, I see why you've done it like that - you're mimicking an existing source. To be honest, I don't really see the usefulness of this in terms of character design; your character is first and foremost a prisoner - not a contortionist - so you need to design a man, not a man in a pose (if you see what I mean). In design terms, this posed character isn't helping me understand the rest of him. I suggest you 'untangle' him and seek to explore him in terms of basic shapes and structures, prepping him via model sheets and expression sheets. This is what I meant when I said earlier that I didn't 'understand' your character; I don't understand what I'm meant to feel about him: is he, for example, a comedic character; is he an 'underdog' and meant to inspire our sympathy? Is he a sort of luckless dope? I'd like to get a stronger sense of him as a character: for example:
In terms of your environment concepts, you've got this exaggerated curvature to everything (the vending machine, for example) and it's suggestive of a level of 'cartoonification' not shared by your character - I think you might need to move the two style worlds more closely together. I'm not sure re. the windows of the prison/morgue etc as being this playful and round, as arguably it's not helping us feel what is restrictive and caging about this environment. Don't misunderstand - I'm all for stylisation, but right now I'd suggest your visual identity isn't quite in balance yet. My suggestion would be to address the character in the first instance, and derive your level of realism/stylisation from that point onwards.
Short version: take a look at your ending: is it impactful enough? Take another look at your character in terms of the pipeline of character design and some of the principles you learned with Justin. Reflect on the visual concept of your story - are all components singing from the same hymn-sheet?
OGR 06/02/2015
ReplyDeleteHi Ridge,
A couple of observations for you: in terms of your ending, it dissipates a little bit for me; there's no real twist now, or rather, the film goes on too long after we learn that the prisoner is not going to escape. I like the idea of the scenes inside the vending machine - so we're on the inside as it's moved and delivered elsewhere - this withholds the ultimate location of the vending machine. How about you continue with this, and so we stay inside as it's delivered; we hear the straps coming off etc. then we hear some coins being inserted, and then our contortionist comes spilling out of the vending machine onto the floor... of the prison guard's rest room... The End... It just feels to me as if the energy of your set-up is all about this reveal and creates the natural exit point of the audience. I think it's simpler this way too - more immediate - and funnier.
Also - one of the issues I've had with your prisoner character is I've never really understood why he looks the way he does - in that strange pose, for example - and now, looking at your influence map, I see why you've done it like that - you're mimicking an existing source. To be honest, I don't really see the usefulness of this in terms of character design; your character is first and foremost a prisoner - not a contortionist - so you need to design a man, not a man in a pose (if you see what I mean). In design terms, this posed character isn't helping me understand the rest of him. I suggest you 'untangle' him and seek to explore him in terms of basic shapes and structures, prepping him via model sheets and expression sheets. This is what I meant when I said earlier that I didn't 'understand' your character; I don't understand what I'm meant to feel about him: is he, for example, a comedic character; is he an 'underdog' and meant to inspire our sympathy? Is he a sort of luckless dope? I'd like to get a stronger sense of him as a character: for example:
https://buyingdrinksforthepoetsupstate.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/shaggy-1.jpg
http://www.thegremlin.com/Website%20Images/HANNA.BARBERA/14972hb.JPG
http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/33900000/Paperman-Model-Sheet-paperman-33978297-1200-675.jpg
In terms of your environment concepts, you've got this exaggerated curvature to everything (the vending machine, for example) and it's suggestive of a level of 'cartoonification' not shared by your character - I think you might need to move the two style worlds more closely together. I'm not sure re. the windows of the prison/morgue etc as being this playful and round, as arguably it's not helping us feel what is restrictive and caging about this environment. Don't misunderstand - I'm all for stylisation, but right now I'd suggest your visual identity isn't quite in balance yet. My suggestion would be to address the character in the first instance, and derive your level of realism/stylisation from that point onwards.
Short version: take a look at your ending: is it impactful enough? Take another look at your character in terms of the pipeline of character design and some of the principles you learned with Justin. Reflect on the visual concept of your story - are all components singing from the same hymn-sheet?